The Vow
by Ro Nordmann
Summary: After thirty years, now I am an old woman, with regrets of the mistakes I'd made in my life. More than anything for accepting that vow on Independence Day. It changed our lives forever, making us into heroes we were not; dooming us onto unstoppable damnation. A Hunger Games/The Debt Crossover One-Shot AU Non-Canon


**Chapter 1: The Vow**

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**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended

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**The Vow**

After thirty years, now I am an old woman, with regrets of the mistakes I'd made in my life. More than anything for accepting that vow on Independence Day. It changed our lives forever, making us into heroes we were not; dooming us towards unstoppable damnation.

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I had been an agent of the Rebellion, the resistance that freed our people from the oppression at the hands of tyrannical and completely homicidal leader, Coriolanus Snow. Many of our people were exterminated by his orders, and many of his accomplices were regular, normal citizens. It was a horror finding out these type of atrocities would be condone and perpetrated without any remorse. They said it was justifiable, we were expendable, for the greater good of the great nation. Until it was no more, and the districts that were used and abused, killed and experimented on rebelled and conquered.

In the aftermath, we sought retribution and justice, bringing forth those responsible to be tried and punish justly. This was part of my intervention, I was part of a group of specialized soldiers sent to retrieve the guilty of the mass genocide of the innocent.

My first mission was to join two other agents who had found the location of a well-known monster, a doctor responsible for torturing, maiming and killing citizens at Snow's request. Somehow the Surgeon of Panem, Dr. Aurelius had evaded capture and had changed his identity, now was working in a women's clinic in District 13. It was district were most women had trouble conceiving children.

I was chosen by my superior, Haymitch Abernathy, since he believed in my commitment and I fit the requirements for said mission. They needed a woman, and I had no children. It would be the perfect cover. So, on a foggy Monday morning I arrived at District 13's platform looking for my loving "husband".

The first thing I saw was his hair, a glowing halo of wheat surrounding his head. Then his broad shoulders within the confines of his blue shirt, that only led me to notice his bright blue eyes. I felt myself shiver all over, and I knew my cheeks had reddened. I tried to hide my face, but my hair was braided back leaving me defenseless. He came confidently towards me and opened his arms. I went to them willingly. His warmth engulfed me, and I could smell a hint of cinnamon and his own scent. I didn't want to break from his embrace. Then to my surprise he stood back and stared at my face, his blue orbs piercing my soul.

"I'm so glad you have finally came. I've missed you so, my darling wife."

And to my even bigger shock, he crushed his lips upon mine. I was breathless as he pulled me away from the train station, his hand holding mine guiding me away. Once we were a good distance from prying eyes and ears, we introduced ourselves.

"I'm Peeta Mellark."

"I'm Katniss Everdeen."

To my dismay, his hand dropped mine and he picked up the pace, forcing me to practically run after him.

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In our living quarters, I finally meet the other member of the mission, Cato Csokas, who immediately leered at me making me uncomfortable. He describes what the mission will entail. First, I will have to pose as a patient in the women's clinic, as a wife having problems with conception. Cato gives me the details of my cover. I will say I'm from District 12, therefore we can say the poor conditions and malnutrition might be the cause of my bareness. My husband would be portrayed by Peeta. Cato congratulated Peeta on his nuptials, and then proceeded to say I would be sleeping in his bed, then finally adding he would sleep in Peeta's room.

The following days consisted of training my head to learn my cover by heart and practice hand-to-hand combat with the boys. I was proud that I could hold my own against them, most of all that I could defeat Cato.

Finally, the date had arrived for my first appointment. Peeta and I held hands as we walked to the clinic, posing as the perfect couple hoping for a miracle. Peeta stayed outside, as I waited for my name to be called. I kept repeating the details of my cover, hoping my nervousness was skin deep.

"Katniss Everlark."

I was left to change into those tissue paper gowns that covers nothing at all. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths trying not to let the dread filling my stomach to consume me whole.

"Mrs. Everlark? I'm Doctor Cicero Templesmith. What brings you here to our clinic?"

I tried to control my urge to simply jump and break his neck. Knowing I'm standing in front of the man at fault for so many deaths. I rein my killer instincts and smile back.

"I've tried to conceive for two years, but without success. I really want to give my husband a son, an heir to the Everlark name."

A tear fell from the corner of my eye.

"Don't fret, Mrs. Everlark. Let's start the physical examination, I'm sure I'll be able to help you give that much wanted son to your husband."

The doctor ordered me to put my legs on the stirrups. "You will feel my hand and the speculum, it will be a bit cold. Just try to take deep breaths."

The standard questions followed, how old am I, are my periods regular, until he went for more personal details.

"Where are you from originally, Mrs. Everlark?"

"Don't I look like a District 13 woman? Well, I'm originally from District 12. We moved here looking for better opportunities for my husband, career wise."

The doctor pauses and looks from his microscope, that stands within my parted thighs. I took this moment to use the camera hidden on my locket to take pictures of his face.

"So, it's safe to say you are a victim of the malnutrition that has plagued that district. I'm going to take some samples to run tests. It will help me in the assessment of your reproductive organs. So far I detect nothing amiss at simple touch. Your ovaries and uterus don't present abnormalities or growths. I will be ready for a prognosis in your next appointment."

I got dressed as quickly as possible, wanting to be far way from that office and that man.

When I came outside, Peeta immediately took my hand and steered me in the direction of our compartment. "Are you okay? You seem white as a sheet..." I didn't want to talk about it, so I simply nodded and stayed quiet. Back at the privacy of our space I gave Cato the locket with the evidence to be screened. We needed the go-ahead from our superiors. Now we had to wait.

That night, as we sat to eat a disgusting meal of mystery stew, Peeta announced it was his birthday. Cato decided we should celebrate and we went to drink at a nearby bar. My eyes didn't stray from Peeta, I couldn't deny my attraction to him. Even though Cato was blonde, muscular and good-looking he didn't hold my attention.

"What is your goal in this life, Peeta?"

I was curious to find out more about him, his thoughts, his dreams and aspirations.

He looked disinterested at my query. "I just want to get the Surgeon of Panem, see that he is found guilty of his crimes and punished accordingly. And another drink."

He got up in search of a refreshment of his drink, and left us behind at the table.

"Don't bother. He isn't interested. In the two years I've lived with him I've never seen him look at a woman...don't even know if he likes them. He is only focused on the mission and accomplishing it. Don't waste your energy, Katniss."

My eyes strayed in Peeta's direction.

"Does he have family?"

Cato shook his head and looked at the table.

"All of them?"

Cato gazed into my eyes, giving his answer. Peeta was the only survivor.

"Sometimes surviving isn't a blessing."

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"We have the approval of Headquarters. We need to transport the doctor to the Capitol. We have to find a way to kidnap him unnoticed and get him a Capitol bound train. Only problem is if we are spotted by the border security. This mission is confidential for the safety of our people. It has to be precise, all details covered.

Katniss you will have to sedate the doctor. We will pose as a medical emergency assistance, justifying taking the doctor to the nearest hospital. Then we will wait for the midnight express train, board and arrive at the Capitol. Agreed?"

We agreed in unison.

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"I think I've found the reason for your problem Mrs. Everlark. You had no siblings, therefore your mother must have had problems as well. From what I can see the follicles in your ovaries haven't matured, they need a boost. This is fixable with an injection that I can administer now. Do you like me to go ahead?"

Isn't it ironic that now he asks for his patients' compliance? Yes, doctor inject me with poison and watch me twitch until my last breath. I thought of Prim...of her suffering and her cruel death. I held the tears as best I could. For just a split second I feared what that vial contained inside...

"Y-Yes."

I grimaced as I felt the pinch on my left buttock. It was done.

"I will see you on your next appointment. You'll see this will work its charm, Mrs. Everlark."

As usual, Peeta was waiting by the front steps looking the worried husband. He noticed my reddened eyes, but I shook my head. I just could voice the pain that always lived beneath the surface. Only I believed he would understand, as I saw it in the depth of his blue eyes. His hand found mine, and grabbed it holding it tight in his grasp.

In the next appointment, I would be faced with my biggest challenge yet.

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I needed alone time in a hot bath, to relieve the tension and clear my head. I knew Cato had left to contact Headquarters, leaving Peeta and I alone. I came out of the bathroom covered by a towel, and found him sitting at the dinning table. He was hunched over a notebook, his attention diverted by my sudden presence. His visual perusal felt like a caress, causing my heart to accelerate and my breathing to catch. His pencil dropped and rolled to the floor with a clack.

No words were spoken, only heated glances. I wanted him to want me, to want me, the same way I longed for him. Instead of running for my room I walked to the space heater and dropped to my knees right in front to dry my wet hair. I must have closed my eyes, when I felt his hand comb through my hair. I opened them at the touch and was about to turn his way.

"Don't...so soft. I've wanted to touch it for so long. To smell it."

Inadvertently, his hand brushed my neck causing me to gasp. I couldn't hold it anymore and turned my head. My grey eyes locked with his, our mouths almost touching. I wanted to kiss him, to give myself to him. As I pushed forward and he moved towards my lips, abruptly he pulled back like struck by lighting and left me there.

Rejected and confused.

Didn't he want me? I saw it in his eyes, the want and the need. Tears ran freely now, nothing stopping them. I was mourning what would've been and now would never be.

He didn't want me.

I wasn't enough.

I was found wanting in his eyes.

I sat at the upright piano tinkering with the keys, until my hand were steady allowing a melody to flow from the tips. I began to sing, of my sorrow, of all I had lost and never found. I sang for Prim...for the sister I couldn't save. She was the one that deserved to live. She would've held Peeta's interested, no one was capable of resisting her charm and her intelligence. She was destined for greatness. I was just a mediocre replacement.

My voice broke and I sat still with my hands in the air.

"You are so beautiful..."

Cato was sitting beside me on the bench, his face on my neck. He smelled of whiskey, of a man in heat. His lips kissed me softly at first, but then he opened his mouth taking nips here and there. He was trying to intoxicate me, to make me react like a woman when she desires a man. I noticed his half empty glass and took it in my hand and drank what was left on it. Cato didn't stop his ministrations, until I responded by kissing him on the lips. There was no turning back, he would not derail his plans to take me to his bed.

Let go, it was my mantra on repeat.

This man wants you, and will give you the release you seek.

The simple shift that covered was practically torn off from my body. His hands roamed aggressively, touching every curve, finally landing on my aching breasts. He pushed me backwards until I landed on the bed, bouncing on the mattress. His eyes didn't stop looking at my heaving chest. With force he took off his half-opened shirt, some buttons flying through the room. He revealed his glistening chest, showing his muscled torso and arms.

It was the wrong torso.

The one I wanted had scars that told stories unknown.

I had wanted to know them, kiss them one by one.

It would never be.

Next, Cato started to fight with his belt buckle getting impatient. I decided to aid. Finally free from the confines of his pants, he shimmied out of them letting them fall on the floor. He was bare to my eyes, hard and standing at attention. I was starting to regret my decision to let this happen, when his hands forced my head towards his erection.

"Be a good girl."

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Next morning, I woke up in bed with a warm body beside me snoring. I moved away and looked back at a naked Cato. It was real, it wasn't a nightmare. I grabbed my rat nest hair and pulled strands, ready to take them from the root. The pain was little punishment for what I deserved. I started to look for my shift, finding it on the floor where Cato had discarded it. I would need to mend the tear. It was better than being naked. I had to get clean clothes and run to the bathroom to wash away the sin off my skin. I felt wretched inside and out, doubting one wash would be enough. I was startled from my thoughts when I heard Cato yawn loudly, like a proud house cat who had been fed his best meal. He sat against the wall, his lower half covered by the sheet. I sat by the corner, probably looking fearful at the presence of a predator. His gaze spoke for him, the way words would be meaningless.

He had sought, he had wanted and he had conquered.

It made me feel like the scum accumulating on the kitchen sink, where the roaches lived.

Peeta would know.

Cato looked for a cigarette and his lighter. Sitting there without a care in the world he took drag after drag, blowing the stinking smoke with delight. His smug face stirred my anger and disdain.

"Get out."

He shrugged and picked up his clothes, getting dressed at his own pace. When he was about to open the room, he turned and sought my eyes.

"Thanks for the fuck. Since I saw you I knew you would be a great lay, and you didn't disappoint. You know where to find me."

All that was missing were the bills on the nightstand.

No wonder he was the leader of this operation, he played us like pieces in a chessboard. Knew our weaknesses and exploited them to his benefit.

I wanted to scream, but there's was no sound coming out of my mouth as I collapsed on the floor.

He would know.

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"This is very good. Having regular intercourse will assure success, Mrs. Everlark."

Today was the day, and I had the doctor right where I wanted him.

"Is that why you came to live in District 13, Dr. Aurelius? To fix what you had done to countless women...leaving them childless from your injections back under Snow's rule. Did the guilt finally drove you to make amends? There's nothing you can do to bring back the lives you destroyed, fucking monsters!"

His face was full of disbelief and shock at being discovered. I stabbed him on the neck, while using my legs to hold him in place. He tried to fight me off, but the drug was taking effect and he would drop off soon enough. Once he was down on the floor, I started to scream asking for help. A nurse came into the examination room and started to check for a pulse. I knew he was still alive, it was all part of the plan. She called it in, and I got dressed counting the minutes.

Cato and Peeta had to arrive before the real medical team. It was nerve wrecking waiting for their arrival. I had been so consumed with my worry, that I hadn't noticed the nurse was crying on top of the doctor.

"Don't you leave me. You are all I have...I love you."

I wanted to slap her. Didn't she know who she was declaring her love to? He was a killer, a depraved man who killed indiscriminately. The man responsible for my Prim's death, probably for extermination of Peeta's whole family.

He didn't deserve to live.

At last, Cato ran into the room dressed in the white coat I had sown. Peeta pushed the stretcher, and the both got the doctor on it. Nurse tried to follow them and ride inside the ambulance, but Cato exerted his authority saying no one was allowed on board.

I felt relieve once I saw them leave. Part one of our mission had been accomplished.

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Standby for the right train was torture. We couldn't be seen, most of all the doctor had to stay knocked out.

A guard keeping watch close to our hiding spot started to pee. I saw Cato's intent like I could read his mind. He would've liked to break his neck, one less body to worry about. I was sitting on my own keeping watch and looking at the clock. Fifteen minutes until midnight, when the train would leave. We were counting on the change of guards to give us leeway and the chance to board the train undetected. We had dummy tickets if we were caught on board later on. Everything had been thought out and coordinated with our Headquarters. The new regime wanted to bring justice, to ease the suffering the citizens of Panem had endured. We were part of that effort. We were the angels of retribution, searching the escaping criminals that had escaped judgement day. I was just an instrument... or so I told myself. It wasn't going to bring Prim back.

Only it wasn't meant to be an easy-peasy mission. We hadn't thought of a contingency plan. We hadn't thought of other complications. I was supposed to be the diversion, to distract the closest guard that way giving the perfect opportunity for Peeta and Cato to enter the train with the doctor's body.

"Do you have a light?"

The guard turned towards my voice, and unfortunately I recognized him.

"Katniss? Katniss Everdeen, as I live and breath...Where have you been?"

Gale Hawthrone. My best friend, and the man I thought I had loved. I had left him behind without a second thought.

"G-Gale...How'd you been?"

My blood felt like it had been replaced by ice. This was not happening. I had to think fast, and move him away from the platform.

"I should ask you the same question...Y-you left...I thought you were dead. Never thought I would see you again...after the war. As you can see I'm still a soldier. They have us keeping guard, letting people know the government is still looking for their safety. But between you and me, I don't think those Capitol bastard would try something after all this time. I'm pretty sure we killed them all, right?"

No, we did not. I tried to give him a smile, but I'm sure I looked deranged.

"Are you okay? You look nervous...I'm not looking for a fight. Are you leaving District 13? Are you going back to 12? I thought-"

"Please, Gale...I just can't talk about any of it. I'm waiting for the train, then you won't have to worry about me no more. Out of sight, out of mind, there's no point bringing back the past. I-I'm sorry I hurt you, but I couldn't stay. It would've been selfish to keep you tethered to me. So, I set you free. I wish you the best, Gale. Really."

We were almost home, when out of nowhere an alarm went off and more guards strode into the platform. I started to panic, and was ready to run back to where Cato and Peeta had hidden, when Gale held my arm.

"What's going on Katniss? What are you really doing here?"

"Please...please let me go...just trust me. I have to go now."

His grip loosens and I ran back to the hiding place between the tracks. They were running and shots were fired. Cato shot back, in that moment I looked back seeing a body fall. I just hoped it hadn't been Gale.

"GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!"

We barely got away.

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"Did you give him the full dosage? DID YOU? HE FUCKING WOKE UP! That's what alerted the guards of our presence. SHIT! The mission is fucked. We aren't getting any help from Headquarters. They want nothing to do with us. A guard is dead. They want their hands clean off this fuck up. Who's taking the blame? CAN YOU IMAGINE WHO WILL BE BLAMED FOR THIS? I'm sure as hell won't be taking the fall for this..."

Cato kept pacing, slamming things, and kicking the walls. He was the head officer, we were just agents under his command, and now he didn't want to take the blame. He was pointing the finger at me. I was the one that administered the drug, therefore it was my fault the doctor woke up ahead of time.

"I-I'm not sure, in the struggle to get his head and pushed the needle..."

"Don't worry, Katniss. We'll figure another plan to get the doctor to the Capitol."

Cato sneered and jumped on Peeta pinning him to the wall.

"How do you suppose we do that? She's been spotted. She's useless to us now. The train security has been redoubled, there's no way we'll be able to board. We have no other means of transportation. It's over. We failed. We have failed the nation. I might as well resign my commission and move to fucking District 12 and die."

"We'll wait it out. Once this crisis passes, you can contact Abernathy. He will find us a way to board the train. We just have to wait."

The doctor was tied and laid unconscious on the floor.

"Fine. We wait. We'll take shifts guarding him. You take first shift, Mellark. I need a fucking drink and fuck. Everdeen, you are housebound. You will not set foot outside that door, understood. You will not jeopardize this mission. Hope you enjoy your little chat with that guard out in the clean air, 'cause it will be your last for what I foresee a very long time."

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That's how it went for weeks. The routine was always the same. Wake up, feed the prisoner, sleep. A vicious circle that slowly was driving into insanity. I yearned to walk and feel the sun on my face. But I wasn't allowed out, it was my punishment.

As it seemed it wasn't my only punishment to endure.

Peeta kept his distance, and I kept my distance from Cato. It was an unspoken rule, told with gazes. Don't come any closer.

The doctor misbehaved by not swallowing the food and spitting it on Cato's face or Peeta's. The only one he allowed to feed him was me. He tried to get inside my head, but I simply would leave him alone. Until he said the wrong thing.

"You lost someone didn't you Katniss? Yes, I can hear each and every word you say. Was it your mother? Did I help kill your mother? Is that why you are so full of hate? It was orders from Snow. I had to comply, or I would've been killed. Don't you see? Please, let me go... I don't deserve this!"

"DON'T DESERVE THIS? Did my sister deserve to be poisoned by you? To slowly die while you watched the effects on her body and recorded it. She was just another lab rat. She wasn't a human being, a person with a future and a family. You took her from me! How dare whine about the treatment that has befallen you? You are a monster! You did it, and would've kept doing it! Maybe still do! What did you inject me with? TELL ME!"

He sat and looked victorious. He had made me snap and had gotten what he intended. I foolishly gave into his trap.

"It took years, and nothing would stir your spirit. You people were animals waiting for the slaughter and I just did what I had to. You didn't deserve to live, still don't. You are weak-minded and simple, need structure and strong government to direct your meaningless pitiful lives. I was working on creating the master race, one worthy of Panem, weeding out the riffraff, but your fucking rebellion got in the way. Yes...I was trying to gain a place at District 13... after all I had stopped their gene pool, it was ready for my engineering to bring forth a new generation, for a greater nation. One that even Snow hadn't envisioned."

I felt sick, and had to run to lose the contents of my stomach on the bathroom floor. I wasn't fast enough. Then the sobs came. My poor Prim had been his victim, and yet he had no heart or remorse to repent his past sins. It was like nothing had pierced his conscience. He felt entitled and unjustly accused of bettering our lives.

Suddenly, I wasn't alone anymore. Arms had taken hold of me. This warmth was familiar, and only one man smelled like cinnamon.

"Shh, I'm sorry I wasn't here to stop him. Just taking a walk...if you want I made some buns, the ones you like. Oh, well maybe not now. Are you sick? Do you need medicine?"

He check my temperature by touching my forehead, his eyes looking more worried as I stayed silent.

"I'll be fine...I'm feeling better already."

Here in your arms.

"What's- For fuck's sake clean this up! This is the only fucking bathroom...ugh!"

Cato left us, Peeta still holding me in his embrace and I was looking into his blue eyes entranced.

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Not being allowed to leave the compartment was getting to me. Cato had no patience left and snapped at anything that moved. Peeta kept to his room and only came out when it was his turn watching the doctor. I would look out the kitchen window, longing for the outside. It was no way to live.

One night, I lost it. I couldn't keep still anymore. So, I decided I would take a walk and come back. Just a walk around, ten minutes tops. But Peeta stopped me, and pried the keys from my hands. This time my wail wasn't silent. They both tried to console me in their own way, but I rejected their touch. Cato's touch I despised, and while I had longed for Peeta's, he had rejected me. I wanted to be left alone.

There was still no word from Abernathy, and I feared it would never come.

My sickness hadn't left me, and I suspected it had to be the stress.

Cato was getting more paranoid, saying the police might do house to house searches. He kept threatening the doctor, saying his end would come soon. Peeta would interfere and a fight would break out between them. I was exhausted from breaking them apart.

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The night it happened, I had rested on my room. There was nothing to do. Just biding my time, getting older and bitter by the minute. I heard a loud crash and Peeta screaming at the top of his lungs.

Cato was there before I, he took control over Peeta and took him from the compartment. He wouldn't stop screaming, in his struggle to break free he hit me, causing me to lose my footing.

The doctor had food all over his face and chest, cut and bruises as well. A broken plate, pieces were haphazardly thrown across the floor. I looked for a rag and bucket to clean up both messes.

I cleaned his face and picked the broken glass from the floor, went back to the kitchen. I looked at the fireworks in the sky. It was an important day. The day of our independence, the day we won our freedom from Snow. It marked the day we started to live again.

I went back to the doctor, only he wasn't where I had left him. Next thing I remember is waking up to an enraged Cato and a destroyed Peeta. Dr. Aurelius had escaped, no trace of him left to follow. I had failed a second time.

Peeta helped me sit, taking so much care, as if I was made of paper. I didn't understand it, nor needed it. I was so angry and disappointed with myself, I preferred being yelled at.

"We have nothing...the mission is lost. Five fucking years wasted. We will never get him back. He will find a new identity and live unpunished. FUCK!"

Surprisingly, Peeta had answer to our problems. One I didn't expect from him.

"He's gone. It doesn't matter anymore. He will never come back."

Cato stayed silent for a few minutes, until he found the solution he could live with.

"You are right, Peet. He will never come back. He will hide like the cockroach he is. Always looking over his shoulder, fearing he's been found. Maybe that's punishment enough. We will report to the Headquarters that Dr. Aurelius escaped, but Katniss followed pursuit and shot him dead. We got rid of his body. End of mission. No one will ever now the truth, only the four of us. The Surgeon of Panem will certainly never talk. I invoke the vow of silence. We never speak of this again. This version of the events dies with us.** Agreed? Say it. I want to hear you agree to the vow.**"

I felt like I was underwater, suffocating. This wasn't the right path. We had to tell the truth. Admit our defeat and keep pursuing, not giving up. I was about to protest, when I heard the word pass through Peeta's lips.

**"Agreed."**

I looked at his defeated face, his body collapsing on itself. It wasn't like him, this had been his life's goal. How could he give in so quickly without a fight? I wanted him to look at me, tell me his reasons with his eyes. But he didn't look up. Once again I felt dejected and alone. He would never confide in me, see me as someone who loved him. I loved him, I had fallen in love with him these past weeks, and now it was over. He never let even breathe life. He aborted it, didn't let it develop and thrive.

**"Agreed."**

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We were received like national heroes, received like champions by the Capitol citizens. Nothing impressed me, I was on auto-pilot parroting back the perfect speech full of lies every single time. The shame and guilt didn't allow me to look myself in the mirror, so I would break them or cover them. Peeta looked alive, but I knew something had died the very moment he uttered his vow. He was just a vessel that ate and breathed, but no spark was left. Unlike Cato, who thrived and enjoyed his moment of fame, gloating and reaping the benefits.

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Thirty years later and I still carried that burden. I still felt the shame, the guilt and the never-ending dread of being discovered. I had become an icon of how great the Rebellion had been, its service to the people, sacrificed and unselfish. I was the biggest joke, since Caesar Flickerman. At least he had died with dignity, with the rest of Snow's dregs of cohorts. He had spilled the lies for years, without flinching. Now I had taken his place for the last three decades.

What was worst that my lie had turned me into my only daughter's idol. She'd been so proud of her mother, she made a documentary about my life. I didn't have the heart or the courage to admit to her it had been all the fabrication of a has-been officer and his two failed agents. I upheld the vow, not once I had spoken of the real events of that fateful night.

But life had caught with us, the façade was cracking and the truth was bound to be revealed with unrelenting consequences.

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"What are you doing here? I was sure you wouldn't come..."

"She's my daughter too, Katniss...Even if we are no longer together. I have a right to be here, on her first screening."

Cato had been confined to that wheelchair for fifteen years. The car accident had been to severe, there was nothing the doctors could do to repair the damage to his spinal cord. I had been by his side, for my daughter's sake. We were no longer husband and wife. Almost ten years of hell had been enough.

The syringe had worked its magic, and I had conceived a beautiful baby girl.

I named her Aster, a blue aster flower. She was the only reason for me to continue living, seeing her happy with her husband and newborn son. It was a gift I didn't deserve, yet I tried to enjoy ever bit I got to experience.

"You know something, Kat...I do regret a lot of things. If I could do them again, I would changed them all. Only one I would do the same...she is the best thing that happened to us."

I couldn't look at him. There was too much pain and resentment between us. It was wrong of us to force something that wasn't meant to be. But I was alone, and helpless. He stayed.

"I know."

As much as I wished that night would've been different, I could never blatantly regret Aster.

"Have you seen Peeta lately?"

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His question just threw me off. It made no sense to mention Peeta now, after years of no trace or contact from him. The last time I saw him, he had come to one of Cato's parties, we had been married I think three years. Aster was a little girl. He looked lost and found me alone.

"I'm leaving. I want you to come with me, Katniss. We can leave all this behind. You won't need to say those lies, and we can be together...like it would've been. Let's just leave. He doesn't care for you. It was simply convenient. It was public face. He had to show he was a family man, who had fathered a child with his heroine. He has never cared for anyone but himself-"

I held my hand, stopping his tirade.

"Where were you when I needed you? You ran remember? You accepted his terms. I had no other choice. This is my life now. You want to run, you have my blessing. I have a daughter to raise."

His lips crashed upon mine, dominating me like no other. It was his goodbye kiss. Breaking away, his eyes glazed over, bright with welling tears.

"You were meant for me. I know it. Knew it then, but I've been dead inside for so long, there was no way I could drag you with me. You deserved better than that. But I see it now...you don't shine anymore. The only person who brings you joy is that beautiful girl. Sadness fills me knowing she could've been mine. She would've been my reason for living. I can't watch from the sidelines. Have you within arms' reach and never able to touch you, love you like you deserve. You breathed air inside my body, bringing me to life, it was my doing to deny you. For turning my back on my second chance, my do over. With your answer, I know I don't get a third chance. Always know there's someone thinking of you, loving you for the rest of his life. Be happy, Katniss."

He kissed my forehead and left without another glance.

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"No, I haven't. I haven't seen him in...twenty-five years. He vanished, not even you could find him."

My heart was about to burst inside my chest. Had he been found...was he...dead?

"He...he found him...Katniss. Peeta found the Surgeon of Panem. If this comes out... you'll be destroyed. Our daughter...she made her documentary about you, about the lies we told. It will come tumbling down."

Between sobs, I tried to speak but it was impossible. Dr. Aurelius wasn't supposed to come back...but I guess it was time to face the retribution coming our way. It was past due.

"Where? And Peeta? PLEASE FUCKING SAY SOMETHING!"

"Don't get hysterical, Kat. I need you level-headed. Some old crazy man started spewing he was the Surgeon of Panem, responsible for thousands of deaths...We have to kill the story, before anyone gives it any veracity. You have to visit the hospital... you need to end this once and for all. I can't do it-"

"Where is Peeta?"

Silence.

"Dead. I found the information inside his dwelling. It seems he spend all this years tracking the doctor, without much success. You have to stop this from becoming public, and the story has to be discredited. You are the only one who can make it happen-"

"Are you crazy? I'm not an agent, haven't been for thirty years. No one will believed. It might not be him, there's no reason to overreact. Did Peeta see the man in person? I don't... you mean to say Peeta is...dead. H-how?"

I had collapsed on the floor. He was gone. He no longer loved me somewhere. His light had been turned off forever. I could see him clearly waiting for me on those steps, taking my hand and guiding me away. It wasn't only your doing, Peeta. I only had to wait for you...we would've been together. Now it will never be.

I tried to hold my whimpering, but the sounds still escaped. I was desolate and more alone than ever.

"I know you loved him...and he loved you. But you need to do this for our daughter, she can't never know the truth."

"HOW? YOU FUCKING TELL ME?"

Cato sat defeated on that fucking chair, looking pitiful. His eyes met mine, and I saw anguish intertwined with guilt.

"He saw me, I came to speak with him. He had left me a message. I wanted to face him. He saw me, and then he jumped...Katniss he killed himself. There was nothing I could do...I think he couldn't bear to see the truth come to light. You have to end it."

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District 4 had been known for its marine life. Nothing had changed there, except it served the nation, not just a selected few with big pockets and a place at Snow's table. And this is where I found my fifty-five year old self, masquerading as an agent of the old Rebellion. I kept saying to myself I was doing this for my daughter, it was the only reason.

Getting the information and a way in had been easy. I was a niece that had been on vacation, wanting to his poor old uncle Claudius, his assumed name. His room was on the fourth floor, room 404. I got lost a couple of times between the labyrinth of halls and doors of the mental hospital. You could breathe the sea in the air. Apparently that was the main reason the hospital had been constructed in this district. It was believed breathing and living close to the sea had healing properties and worked wonders on the wounded psyche.

I was standing right in front of the door, with 404 on it. My hands were shaking, in my pocket a syringe, a delivering mechanism of revenge. This man had destroyed my life so many times over. First, by taking my precious Prim, then by escaping being the catalyst of the unending lie. There was no one I hated more, maybe even more than Snow himself. Believing in this truth, I found the strength to open the door.

The room had a bed and a window with a wonderful view of the beach nearby. It was peaceful. He didn't deserve peaceful. The floorboard cracked loudly, announcing my presence.

"Have you finally come to get your vengeance, angel of death? Here I am."

The voice...I didn't recognize, but it had been so long. I had to face him, but something stopped me from moving forward. A notebook, one I had seen in someone's hand like a precious jewel sat on the nightstand.

My plan's momentarily deterred. I went towards the notebook. Peeta's notebook.

I wasn't ready for what stared back at me in black and white.

His notebook was full of drawings. Unknown faces...faces of his past. His family. Then the drawings featured a young woman. I knew it was me, but I couldn't reconcile her face with mine at the moment. I was amazed at the way he saw me. This notebook had been his most treasure possession, and I felt he had left it here for me. In the middle of all his wonderful works of art, I found a letter,a single paper in his handwriting was address to me.

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_My love, my Katniss_

_If you have found this...it means I'm dead. Don't be sad, I've been dead for so long I had simply refused to accept it. To be honest I died with my family and kept on breathing to bring them justice. And I've done so...it took decades of my life, it cost me your love, but I've finally ended the life of the man we all knew as the Surgeon of Panem. The bringer of death, the one who enjoyed watching his "patients" withering and moaning as they died. It was the same reason you join the cause. You lost someone dear to you...a female. You would scream her name in your nightmares as I watched over you. So, I have ended it for you too._

_I do have regrets. I think it's the part of getting middle-aged. So many things I left unsaid between us. That damn bastard knew more than he let on, watching us day after day. He got to you, as he got to me. Only Cato was the bigger bastard that would not cave under his psychological tactics. That night... the night I failed you as a member of our team, he said somethings I should keep to myself. There's no point reliving them. You know he was a monster, and I assure there was no redeeming his soul. But that night he revealed a secret...one I had to face. You see I was in denial... but he knew you were pregnant. His treatment had worked...and you had been with Cato, the very same night I had denied you my love. I felt betrayed and angry, with his justification for his acts. I had no right to feel betrayed or jealous. You were not mine, I hadn't claimed you. Whatever you did, wasn't solely your fault. After all you were free to do as you pleased. I had run like a scared little boy, from the love of his life._

_There was no turning back the clock. It was done, but tell that to a broken-hearted man on the verge of despair. More regrets. We left you alone with that monster and he would've killed you. And the biggest regret was accepting that vow. It was the last blow, it was me betraying you. I couldn't face you, look you in the eye for fear of what I would see in them. Condemnation. Disappointment. Disdain. All I ever wanted from you was to deserve your love, that from the very start I killed with my self-loathing and self-doubt. I convinced myself the better man had won, and gotten you._

_Seeing the years and looking at what life had left you, I knew I had been wrong. You deserved everything, and I had denied you. You had settled for second best, and it would never be enough. It was then I had the brilliant idea of leaving, and taking you with me. Make you mine for always. Your words were correct, you were the mother a child, you were Cato's wife, but how they killed my very essence. I was surprised I hadn't bled to death from your wound, it felt so real._

_From then on I made it my life's purpose to find the man who had ruined my life, and yours._

_I finally found him...crazed...deranged...and alone. It almost felt like poetic justice, only I had to end him. For you. For Aster. For Cato. And for me. My family was gone, your lost one was gone, but we were still here and he could still destroy us._

_You don't have to fear him no more, Katniss for I have vanquished the Surgeon of Panem. What you see here, are the delusions of an old man who knew the doctor and has decided to impersonate him. It is done, I made sure no more mistakes would enslave you to more lies. It is my last vow to you, I free you from your burden and have taken it upon myself._

_Be happy, my love._

_Peeta._

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